Somatic Intimacy Coaching
Somatic Intimacy Coaching is based on
the Somatica © modality together with my experience as a tantric bodyworker,
massage therapist and chemical engineer.
This coaching is for you that are looking for a new way of relating. It could be who you chose to date, how you handle things like conflict, disagreements, disappointment or becoming aware of what baggage you are bring in to or has built up in any relationship.
We will explore:
- Mindfulness practices like breathwork, meditation, visualization and embodiment practices.
- Connection and relating, both with yourself and with others, either if you come as a couple then with each other or if you come by yourself you will practice with me as a partner. These could be things like eye gazing, exploring qualities of touch, boundary setting and asking for consent.
- Sexuality will be about figuring out your turn-ons, core desires, what is on your sexual menu, practicing asking for what you want and also working through the potential grief of disappointment when your needs are unable to be met or accepted by your partner or the world.
- Most practices can be done online, some exercises will have movement so choose clothes that are comfortable or make you feel good. Every session we ill work fully clothed.
How I work
Most coaching is based on an old mindset which saw the body and mind as separate things and focused on changing the mind through conversation. Through processing my own trauma and having a trauma release bodywork practice I got first hand experience how grief and trauma can be stored in the body. This is now being backed up by the latest psychological research around trauma which is showing us what yogis and other Eastern teachers and healers have known for centuries - that trauma and other life experiences are stored in the body, and that the mind and body are connected!
In my practice, I coach experientially. Experiential learning is a combination of learning in both intellectual and practice-based dimension.
Think about it this way: as a lifetime partner dancer and dance teacher, I know I can learn movement or dancing to some level from books or just talking if I have basic knowledge. I also know that I learn so much more if I have someone to teach me, someone who can tell me how to do the steps. However, the quickest and deepest learning is if the teacher dances with me, letting me experience how it feels when it's done gracefully, letting me practice with them, and giving me feedback. With a one-on-one teacher, they can individualize the teaching so it is focused on exactly what I need to know, hear, and feel, not just the general information you can find everywhere. This is the difference between experiential somatic coaching compared to the general verbal coaching.
As your teacher, guide and coach, we won't just talk, we will feel, breathe, touch, and play and we will tailor the learning to your specific needs and goals.
Trauma and being trauma informed
Trauma is a popular word right now, especially in certain circles. I believe it is important to have at least the basics when you do this work. I call myself "Being trauma informed" which means I'm not saying I'm an expert around trauma but it means I have done courses, read books and worked on my own traumas to recognize some trauma reaction, having access to a emotional "first aid"-trauma knowledge. I also refer people with deep trauma to other types of support systems like a trauma therapist either to take over for now or to complement the work we are doing together.
The nervous system connections
Somatic Intimacy Coaching takes part of it's name from the somatic nervous system. As an engineer hearing people talking about accessing and reprograming their nervous systems made me feel skeptical at first because no one could actually tell me the science on how to do that.
Now I know more and have put together a nerdy blogpost on how the different areas of the nervous system are connected and what we can do to reprogram automatic responses and promote self-regulation, increase pleasure and why crying can be so helpful and healing.
Who I work with
I work with people that want to grow and change their lives. Most of my clients has started on their personal development journey already which can be everything from yoga to seeing a psychologist or being inspired by podcasts/YouTube/books to alter and develop their life's, but sometimes I'm the first step on the ladder and that is ok too.
A lot of personal development is just as the name say "personal". I have not been to every type of personal development training, but what I have experienced and heard of it is about yourself and your reactions/experiences to the outside world. It rarely takes the step into relating with others in a way that shows you how they relate to you.
Just as Copernicus said that the earth wasn't the center of the universe, I'm going to say in the nicest way I can that neither are you. By starting to see the intricacy in relating and understanding that yes you are influencing the world and the world is influencing you, but there are more layers to it. Every person has a past with their own life experience, traumas and automatic responses that as well you will be able to start having deep and connected relationships instead of living in a world of your own and guessing why life is happening the way it is.
Singles and dating
I work with both singles and people who are dating that would like to be in a relationship. Some come with dating or relationship intentions like wanting to learn how to find a partner, some want to dig into why their relationships don't last. There are also people coming to me who want to help heal and get closure after a relationship ends in order to be able to start a new one.
Then there are people that want to build their skill levels inside and outside the bedroom. They want to learn to become a better lover and increasing pleasure and fun by learning how to:
- navigate consent and keep it sexy
- wake up their libido
- touch sensually
- be more romantic
- increase passion
- explore kink
Additionally, some people have issues or insecurities around pain during sex, body shame or have trouble orgasming. Or you may have challenges with premature ejaculation, performance anxiety or erectile dysfunction.
All of these are things that we can work on, both in person and online. To know more on how I do sessions, push the button bellow.
Coaching for individuals in relationships
I also coach individuals in a relationship who want to be coached by themselves as opposed to with their partner. As an individual in a relationship, you may have many or some of the above goals and issues as well as:
- working through how to navigate boundaries in your relationship
- practicing and increasing your communication skills
- dealing with disappointment or grief
- talking about desires your partner can't/doesn't want to fulfill
- or learning how to fulfill your partners desires
Just like the singles and dating people, you might want to improve your skills when it comes to sex. You may want to learn how to navigate consent whether you have been having sex for a year or 40 years. You might still not know everything your partner desires or how to keep it sexy. I can teach you how to improve your touch, how to find your romantic expression, ignite passion or how to start exploring kink if that is something on your mind.
There might be changing circumstances in your life, like having children, stress at work, or losing your job. You may be dealing with the changes of getting older, where your body and libido isn't what it used to be, which can also lead to things as being less lubricated and produce pain during sex, having a hard time getting an orgasm, premature ejaculation or anxiety about not getting the erection you use to have. All of these are things that we can work on, both in person and online. To know more on how I do sessions, push the button bellow.
And, it may simply be important for you to take the time to focus on yourself so that you can find your own dreams, desires and voice.
Coaching for couples
When I coach couples, we generally meet together first so I can get a sense of the dynamics. After that, we do individual sessions for a bit so we can explore things that are just related to you, your needs, desires, triggers, thought patterns, boundaries and turn-ons. If you are interested to know what we might work in your relationship, read above in the singles and individual information.
In couple's coaching, I will help you:
- reducing misunderstandings
- learning how to have challenging conversations
- repair the ruptures in your connections
- figure out your unique sexual connection and ignite your desires for each other
These are a few examples of how we can work with and explore within your relationship. I also have knowledge and experience with open relationships, polyamory, kink and tantra so feel free to come with questions or whatever thoughts you might have around it. It is healthy and you are welcomed to ask.
To know more on how I do sessions, both online and in person, push the button bellow.
Where I work
It's incredible how we are able to connect online these days. I remember when I was little, and my mom was traveling to other countries for work. When we talked on the phone, there was this delay, so you had to say something and then wait for the signal to reach her and then wait for her to reply. Today we can be on the other side of the world with perfect video transfer and no delay other than the time difference. It is quite remarkable!
Doing this work online is also amazing! You can do so much of this work - even the body-based parts, online over Zoom. I have been working with people from the US, Mexico, Singapore, Thailand, and the Middle East all the way from Sydney, Australia. And, even if there have been times I would have liked to be there and hold my clients in person, it empowers them to be supported in holding and taking care of themselves.
When working online we work on inner belief systems, attachment and connection, shame, desires, self love, and use tools such as visualizations, breathwork, and movement to help you feel safe in your body and feel into what you need.
Sessions in person
If you happen to be in Sydney, Australia, or in the places I travel to when I'm out in the world, we can have sessions in person. By Subscribing to my newsletter you will get updates on where I travel to offer in-person sessions and my workshops.
Having in-person sessions has a different quality compared to online. I am able to physically guide you and we can have a less verbal interaction depending on your needs and desires. I may also incorporate some of my bodywork techniques to help you through what you might be feeling or processing as this work is sometimes fun and full of laughter, sometimes full of tears, and everything in-between. Everything is welcome.
Depending on your previous life experiences, you may feel safer to be in-person, where you can be physically held through the process. Others feel safer to do sessions online where you are in your own home or where you choose to be to create a sense of safety. It's different flavours of interacting.
What to do next
If you are curious about this work, scroll to the bottom of this page and subscribe to my almost monthly newsletter to keep you informed of what is going on.
If you are curious, have questions that haven't been answered, or you would like to book in a session, it all starts with booking a free 30 min Zoom consultation. It is easy and quick, and you can choose a time that fits your schedule and adapts to your time zone. Press the button below and select "Start here" to book you session.