• Ami M

How Your Relationship and Personal Development Can Grow Together

Updated: Nov 2, 2021




It is easy to fall into the romantic idea we see in movies about happily ever after, but the truth is relationships take work to maintain. Usually, when a relationship has challenges, our first instinct is to look at the other person in the relationship and ask, 'What do they need to do or change?' or 'What are they not doing?' However, sometimes the solution is thinking about yourself and working on your personal development as an individual first. This way your relationship will be a path to growth and deeper insights.


How Personal Development Fits into Relationships

When you take the time to understand yourself better it increases your confidence. Increased confidence makes you feel sexier. When you feel sexy about yourself, you might become more flirtatious, and your passion for your partner grows.


It’s not just about sex though. Working on your own personal development can make you a better communicator, too. You can learn to express yourself in your relationship - to ask for what you need and setting boundaries. As you communicate with your partner, it encourages them to do the same.


When both partners invest in personal development, the relationship benefits in other ways. Each person is interdependent instead of being totally independent or dependent on their partner. This creates a stronger bond that lasts longer.


Esther Perel, a sex and relationship educator, says that when we work on personal development, we can examine our expectations within a relationship and, “We can stop thinking of love, desire, and relationships as commodities.” People are not to be bought and replaced.


How Relationships Fit into Personal Development

Relationships can be a safe space to delve into your personal self and figure out who you are. When you open up to your partner, you may also discover triggers and past traumas. If your partner is supportive, you may feel safer exploring your past and other parts of your life with them.


When you first start to open up to your partner, you may feel vulnerable. Some people are very uncomfortable with vulnerability, but you must get comfortable in that vulnerable space to move forward with both your relationship and with personal development.


With a partner, you can set intentions, see your life from a different perspective, and have new experiences. It can be difficult to reach the deeper layers on your own, but a supportive partner can help you. Likewise, you can help your partner learn, grow, and express themselves more as well.


Not every relationship will be a guiding force in your personal development journey. It all depends on complete acceptance of who you are and who your partner is and it must go both ways.


Relationships and Your Sense of Self are Not Exclusive

Some people feel that in order to be in a relationship, they must lose themselves in the other person, their life, their goals and dreams. What you really need to do in order to be in a strong relationship, is to love yourself and understand and share who you are.


If you go into the relationship with the knowledge of who you are and the willingness to communicate, the relationship will only grow. Letting go of your sense of self can be detrimental to your relationship because it can cause resentment and frustration. This can lead to feelings of loss.


Relationships and Personal Development are BFFs

Your BFF will always be there for you. That doesn't mean you won’t argue sometimes or fight over silly things. But in the end, they are supportive and encouraging and they help each other grow.


Relationships and personal development are the same way. You might have periods of angst or disillusionment. If you stick with it though, the two help each other grow and become stronger together.


If you'd like help to better understand yourself, your needs and your boundaries in relationships or if you want to become a better communicator, and have more flirtation and passion with your partner, you can read more on my website about Somatic Intimacy Coaching for individuals or couples or take a leap and book a 30 min free Zoom call here to find out how we can work together.


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